


Resistance Is Futile

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-11
Updated: 2003-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:24:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someday Lex will learn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resistance Is Futile

## Resistance Is Futile

by Kellie

[]()

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the rights to any of these characters, but I thank the creators daily for them. Mentally, I mean, I don't spam their e-mail or anything! heehee 

THANKS: Thanks so very much to Sindy and Babs for reading this over and over and helping me to get it as right as it is now. If you don't like it, blame me--I didn't follow all suggestions I was given, though I probably should have. Oh, and thanks to The Castle for introducing me to so many fun people who motivate me daily. 

FEEDBACK: This is my third fic so far, so any suggestions for next time around would be appreciated. Also any good/bad feedback! 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just so you know, I'm having a hell of a time getting the italics to work. I'm doing the asterisks, and it's always worked before, but not this time. So bear with me if this is all asterisked instead of italicized! 

"Alright, Lex, this time I won't let you put me off." Clark barged into Lex's study as if breaking past guards who threatened to hold him back. 

Lex glanced up from the laptop's monitor and was assaulted with intense arousal. Clark's muted black curls were moussed into immobility and his face positively glowed. Rather than the usual denim and flannel ensemble, Clark sported black slacks that molded his body without being flamboyantly tight, along with an electric blue satin shirt that billowed out above the pants they were tucked into, turning his eyes into sparkling sapphires. Lex's breath hitched and he was immediately on guard, but masked his emotions with concentration as he returned his eyes to the screen. "Clark, please come right in, and thank you for asking; I'm fine." 

"Nope, nice try, but it won't work. Stop working, we have plans." 

"Clark, have you been into the red meteor rocks again?" Lex thought he was doing well; the sarcasm covered his jumbled senses. He shut down the computer, resigned; he could never resist Clark's enthusiasm. 

Clark approached the desk and placed his hands on either side of it, leaning down into Lex's face. "Pack up for the day. We're going out tonight." He smiled, and Lex could swear his canines had grown into sharp fangs. And oh my, was he wearing _cologne_? 

Lex leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms over his chest, proud of his faade of composure. He assessed Clark warily. "And where are we going?" 

"That's up to you. You're going to take us to the best place in Metropolis to pick up women. I've already informed your helicopter pilot, and he's standing by." Clark seemed impressed by his own craftiness. 

Lex sighed. He'd known this would happen eventually. "Clark, I have no interest in `picking up women,'"--this spoken with dripping disdain--"as I've told you numerous times. I will be more than happy to escort you in your pursuit, though; no man should enter college a virgin." He stood up and moved toward the door. "Just let me change." 

"Lex, you're going to get laid tonight. Wear something nice." 

Lex halted in the doorway. If Clark's words hadn't hurt so much, he would've found them funny. He spun around to find Clark seated in a chair, watching him expectantly. "I'm not interested, Clark. You know that. It's not going to change if you get me in an entire city full of beautiful women, let alone a room. I've told you before--my heart belongs to only one person. I have no interest in being with anyone else." 

"Okay, let's talk about this mystery woman." Clark had obviously been expecting this argument and had prepared his own. "Tell me again why you're not with her already." 

"Clark, as I'm sure you're aware, just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that person returns those feelings. I'm not with the love of my life because my feelings are not returned." Sensing that this conversation was just getting started, Lex walked to the bar and poured himself a drink. "Want something?" 

Clark declined before responding to the subject at hand. "So, you've completely given up on her? Have you ever expressed your feelings to her?" 

"No." Lex took the chair facing Clark. "I'm not a masochist," he smirked. 

Clark gave him a stern look. "Lex, you're not the most..."--Lex could almost hear him going through terms that wouldn't offend--"... _open_ person in the world. Maybe she has no idea you want her." 

Lex smiled into his glass. "Oh, I'm sure of that." 

"So why not tell her? The worst she can do is reject you. Maybe even laugh in your face and run away," he teased, obviously thinking this the least likely thing on Earth that would happen. 

Lex looked down at his lap. "You think it's funny, but that's exactly what I fear. Not so much the laughter as the avoidance. Our friendship is much too important to me, and I won't risk losing that." 

Clark leaned back and sighed deeply. "What if she feels the same way? Maybe she's afraid to tell you, and it's this great tragedy of unspoken love between you." He cocked a velvet eyebrow at Lex. "You ever think of that?" 

Lex shook his head in amusement. "No, Clark, I promise that isn't the case." He sipped his drink, wondering how to continue without being completely obvious to the obtuse young man in front of him. "There's another person involved, sort of a love triangle." 

"Oh, like `he loves her, but she loves the other guy' sort of thing?" 

"Something like that." 

"Well, Lex, I have two things to say to that. First, if you're not going to make a move, then let it go. Move on. You're too good a person to sit around pining over someone you'll never have. You have so much to offer." 

Clark's words touched Lex, and he looked up at him. "Think so?" He knew this was the exact advice he would give Clark if their positions were reversed. 

"Of course. You're generous, intelligent, wealthy, handsome...even fun when you loosen up some." Clark actually winked at him. "You just need to let someone in, that's all." 

"I did, Clark. And I'm happy with things the way they stand. If a close friendship is all we're meant to share, then I'm satisfied with that." 

"But...you could have so much more if you'd try!" 

"Like what? Sex? That's truly the only element missing in our relationship. I can get that anywhere if I ever need it that badly. The physical side is a small piece of the package that isn't worth risking everything else for." 

Clark was beginning to look frustrated. "Okay. If you want things to stay the same, fine. Be her friend. But don't let it keep you from enjoying other women. I'm not saying you have to rush out and get married or anything, but I'm sure you get lonely. I mean..." Clark still blushed when referring to sex; Lex found that adorable. "What's wrong with having a little company once in awhile? There are plenty of women who would be happy to spend just one night with you. Why not go for it?" 

Clark could also look more earnest and wistful than a five-year-old child. This still had the power to melt Lex's resistance, and he knew he needed to remove himself from that gaze immediately. He stood up and walked past Clark; somehow he knew he would need a refill. "You sure you don't want anything?" he asked with his back to Clark. 

"No, Lex, and quit avoiding the issue." Clark was _definitely_ frustrated. 

_God save me from beautiful Good Samaritans_ , Lex thought to himself. He took his time at the bar, wondering how he could escape this conversation. "Clark," he began, turning back around, "I know you're trying to help--" 

"No, Lex. You're not putting me off. I'm your best friend, and I'm going to help you through this. I can't stand to see you like this anymore." Clark was more than frustrated as he stood up; now he was angry, his eyes blazing, and Lex was breathless at the beauty of it. "This is ridiculous. I respect you, and I respect your privacy, but now it's keeping you from being happy. So damn your privacy, Lex. Why don't you just tell me who this woman is so I can help you win her over? In the four years I've known you, you've been with three women, and all in the first two years. I mean, really, Lex, how long has it been since you've had sex?" 

Clark's outburst had the opposite effect on Lex; rather than rise to the bait, he lowered himself to a patient calmness. "I don't think that's any of your business, Clark." His glare dared Clark to say otherwise. 

Clark reacted like he'd been punched in the stomach, his expression both hurt and confused. "Maybe you're right, Lex. I'm sorry if I offended you. But...okay, why don't you at least tell me who this woman is? I've never asked before; I figured you'd tell me when you wanted to. You never did. Who is she?" 

Lex had dreaded this moment for years, counting on Clark's tact and good upbringing to hold him back from asking that question. He knew Clark well enough to realize that if he'd gone far enough to _ask_ the question, there would be no skirting the issue; Clark wanted an answer, and if Lex was honest with himself, he knew Clark had the right to one. After all, he'd resisted his curiosity for the past two years, and being Lex's best friend afforded him the right to pry a bit, although Lex knew he could easily turn this conversation around quickly by reminding Clark of his own reluctance to discuss his secrets. 

"Clark," he began slowly, "I don't really think it would solve anything if you knew the identity. I know you deserve the truth, but this is one area of my life I prefer to keep private, and I intend to do just that. You have your secrets, and I stopped questioning those long ago. Please, grant me the same courtesy." He looked directly into Clark's eyes and spoke with a quiet sincerity that he hoped would appease Clark, and was silently relieved to see Clark almost visibly deflate. 

"Okay," Clark mumbled, looking everywhere but at Lex. "I just...I'm just tired of seeing you alone all the time." 

A sudden thought occurred to Lex, and it scared him into voicing his fear. "Clark, is that why you haven't been dating a lot? Are you hanging around here just so I have some company?" 

Clark looked surprised. "No! I mean...I admit, I've turned down a few dates because we had already made plans, but I never purposely chased away anyone because I was worried about you. And I _do_ worry about you. But I just...I don't know, I just haven't really met anyone I'd want to be serious with." 

"Except Lana." 

Clark smiled faintly. "Well, yeah, but you've seen how well that's worked out. We've tried to date so many times, but I guess it's not meant to be. Something always ruins it. I'm past that now, open to new experiences and ideas." 

"I'm glad to hear that. And speaking of new experiences, why don't we go out and get _you_ laid tonight? I mean, you'll be a college boy in a few weeks, and I wouldn't want you to go in unprepared." 

Clark grinned and blushed, and all at once the tension left the room. Lex breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back at Clark. "Let me just go up and change, and we can go. I'll be right back." He was grateful for Clark's apparent acceptance of the idea as he watched Clark sit down in the chair before the fireplace, stretching his long legs toward the fire. And damn, if he didn't look sexy in black combat boots. Lex shook his head and left the room. 

* * *

Lex returned ten minutes later to find Clark pacing before the desk. He was once again on guard as he ventured, "Clark?" 

Clark stopped pacing and walked toward Lex, who was standing just inside the study's open entry doors. Clark's deep, determined gaze sent a chill through Lex, or maybe it was just the feel of Clark's strong hands as they grasped his shoulders. "Lex, I know what's wrong. I understand now, and I want you to know that it's okay, you can open up to me. I don't mind, and I'm not mad at you." 

_Oh_ , _God_ , _he_ ' _s finally figured it out_. Lex thought he might fill his pants as a cold feeling of dread washed through his stomach. _Breathe_ , _Lex_ , _it_ ' _s okay_. He tried for a confused look. "I'm sorry?" 

Clark slid his arm around Lex's shoulders and steered him toward the loveseat. "Let's talk about this. I don't want there to be any weird feelings or any tension between us." 

Lex allowed himself to be pushed gently into the loveseat and scooted away as Clark sat next to him. Clark turned to face him, and Lex asked, "What have you figured out?" 

"I know who she is, Lex." The look of tender pity and compassion on Clark's face almost repulsed him. "I told you; I'm over Lana. I know it's her that you want to be with, and you're afraid I'll be upset if you go for her. But it's okay, I don't mind. I think she might be good for you," he added. 

Lex was speechless. There was absolutely nothing his mind could grasp that would sound right coming out of his mouth. He stared at Clark, gaping. 

"Lex, I mean it. I'm not just saying this, I truly believe it. It all makes sense now, why you were so reluctant to tell me. But I promise, there's nothing to worry about. You're my best friend, and nothing-- _nothing_ \--is ever going to change that." 

It was the sincerity in Clark's voice that finally broke through Lex's shock, and he couldn't stop the hysterical laughter that bubbled up from his stomach and out through his mouth. This was apparently not what Clark expected, and he actually looked so concerned that Lex laughed even harder and literally fell off the loveseat, rolling on the plush carpet and gasping as much air as he could breathe in between brays. 

Clark knelt down next to Lex and rolled him onto his back, afraid he might be choking. "Lex, are you okay? I didn't mean...I just thought...am I wrong?" Now his face was bewildered, and he truly looked like a big dumb farm boy. Lex had never seen this expression so intense on Clark's face, and he went off into gulps of laughter again. 

"Lex?" 

_Such an honest face_ , Lex thought, _so human_. He knew it wasn't fair to keep scaring Clark like this, and the moment was just too purely surreal for him to care anymore. He squeaked out, "You." 

Clark strained to listen, but assumed he'd heard wrong. "What? What was that? Can I get you some water? Sit up, here, let me help you." 

Clark began pulling Lex up, but Lex just shook his head and pushed Clark away. "It's you..." he croaked, trying to stop laughing. "It's you, Clark. Not Lana." 

Clark shook his head in apparent confusion, but Lex knew the moment it penetrated into his brain; Clark stopped dead, halfway between kneeling and standing, and didn't breathe. Lex finally got himself under control and sat up with tears in his eyes, his face and scalp beet red from the episode. He pulled himself up onto the loveseat and silently waited for Clark's shock to break, knowing in his heart it might be the last time he ever laid eyes on Clark in this house again. 

Clark slowly stood up straight and looked around the room, a myriad of expressions fleeting across his face as his brain sorted through different thoughts. After about a minute of this, Clark's eyes found Lex's, and he shook his head. 

"Me?" 

Lex simply nodded without breaking eye contact. 

Suddenly Clark collapsed into giggles, catching himself on the arm of the loveseat and burying his face in the cushions next to Lex. Knowing what hysteria felt like, and knowing from experience that it wasn't always a positive reaction, Lex waited it out until Clark was the one gulping air and trying to talk, getting out jumbled words here and there. "I thought...Lana...and you...me...and all this time...getting laid...you want me...getting laid..." He managed to position himself in between Lex's legs and pushed his upper body up enough to look at Lex. "Oh...man...oh my God...what a fucking night." He sat back on his heels and wiped his eyes, then reached up to do the same to Lex. 

"Does this mean we're still friends?" Lex asked hesitantly. 

Clark offered one of those million-watt smiles and nodded. "Of course, Lex. I told you, I'm always going to be your best friend. Just because you think I'm sexy doesn't mean I don't still love you. In a _friendly_ way," he clarified quickly. 

Lex smiled back and felt the world being lifted off his shoulders. "I won't ever make a move, or make you uncomfortable, alright? If I ever do, let me know, and I'll back off right away." 

Clark waved a hand at Lex. "Nah, don't worry about it. If you ever do, I'll just punch you. And then we'll go back to being best friends. After I bring you around, that is." He winked at Lex again. 

"And that's another thing, Clark. Now that you know how I feel, maybe you can try not to be so damned _adorable_ all the time. Jesus, you have no idea how you affect me!" 

Clark lifted his eyebrows in surprise. "Really? Like how?" 

"I don't want to get into it. Just trust me, it's agonizing being around you all the time, especially when you look as good as you do tonight. Some lady is going to be very lucky to pop your cherry tonight." 

"Don't be crude, Lex. And I don't have a cherry, I'm a man." He paused and shook his head in wonder. "Really? I turn you on? How?" He was honestly curious. 

"Oh, Clark," Lex groaned, standing up and lifting his leg over Clark's head to escape his proximity, "I really don't want to discuss this with you, okay? It's little things, things you aren't even aware of. And it's that lack of awareness that makes you so irresistible. So let's keep it that way, shall we?" He turned toward the doorway. "Why don't we go? We can talk about this all you want on the helicopter ride." 

"No, Lex, wait." Clark stood up and sat on the arm of the loveseat. "Let's stay here. I don't want to go out anymore; let's just talk. I mean, now that this is out in the open, I have a lot of questions." 

Lex sighed. Though he dreaded the evening he knew was sure to follow, he knew when Clark had made up his mind about something. "Call the pilot and tell him we're not going. I'm going to the kitchen to round up some dinner for us, because it looks like we'll be here awhile." 

Clark smiled brightly at Lex. "Whatever you say." 

* * *

An hour later found them sitting in front of the fireplace and finishing off the sandwiches and fruit that Lex had hastily gathered together. Both had made themselves comfortable in their own ways; Clark had taken off the boots and untucked the shirt, while Lex had unbuttoned his collar and rolled up his sleeves. Dinner had been filled with many questions from Clark, spit out between huge bites. Lex had answered them as candidly as he was able to, and Clark now had a pretty good idea of how _not_ to arouse Lex. 

"I still can't believe it, Lex. I really thought you were into women. I mean, Victoria, Desiree, Helen...you were even _married_. When did you change?" 

Lex took his time forming an answer. "You're aware that I attended boarding schools for most of my life." Clark nodded slowly. "Well...imagine being surrounded by males at the most hormonal time in your life. You're changing, growing, feeling new sensations, being bombarded with sexual urges. There were no girls at these schools, Clark, and puberty needs an outlet." 

"So you've been with guys before?" Clark seemed to think this over. 

"Not exactly. We weren't all queers, I don't want you to get that impression. There were plenty of girlie magazines floating around the places. There was this one boy, though. Trevor. He was mysterious, always kept to himself. I admired him for his ability to keep cool no matter how much he was teased or bullied. I was the first to throw a punch if anyone fucked with me, but not Trevor; he just took it all and didn't let it bother him. At least that's what I thought until I ended up rooming with him one year." 

"Yeah?" 

Lex pursed his lips, nodding. "I heard him crying in bed a few times, and he was trying so damn hard to hide it. I kept asking if he was okay, but he wouldn't answer. One night I just couldn't take it anymore and went over and hugged him until he stopped crying and went to sleep. After that night, I was never in my own bed again." 

"Oh. Wow." Clark grimaced and blushed. 

Lex laughed. "No, Clark, we never had sex. We didn't have a chance to; he only stayed a few more months after that. But we talked a lot, and cuddled and kissed. I was sad when he was taken out of school; he'd become a close friend, and I had few of those. It was Trevor that opened my mind to the idea that sexual relationships don't have to be between men and women only. We talked about having sex with a woman, and wondered if it would be different with a man. I imagine if he'd stayed a few more months, I'd know the answer to that." He chuckled. 

"So...you've never been with a man?" 

"No, Clark. And until you, I had no specific desire to." He looked at Clark. "I hope this isn't making you uncomfortable. I don't mean to chase you away." 

Clark shrugged. "No, I'm actually finding this interesting. I'm learning more about you tonight that I have in the past four years of friendship." 

"I'm stuffed," Lex mumbled after suppressing a belch. "I don't know how you can put away so much food and still look so good all the time." 

"Kent family secret," Clark winked. 

"Must be all that fertilizer. Maybe it has healing powers, gained through osmosis." 

"Ugh. I doubt that," Clark replied, licking pear juice off his fingers. 

"Okay, that!" Lex interrupted, pointing at Clark. "That right there. Don't do that around me." 

Clark snickered and focused on his fingers more intensely, slowly moving his tongue around his fingertip and moving it in and out of his mouth while looking at Lex seductively out of the corner of his eye. "Stop it!" Lex yelled and threw a peach pit at him. 

Clark ducked it and laughed. "Ooo, now you're getting violent. Watch out, I may like that." 

Lex shook his head. "See, now this is what I didn't want. Now you're going to tease me mercilessly and drive me more insane than you already did. I shouldn't have told you." 

Clark was sobered by Lex's angry tone. "Hey, I was just kidding. I'm sorry. You know I'm just messing with you." He placed a hand on Lex's thigh and squeezed comfortingly. 

"Well, don't," Lex barked. "I know you think it's funny, and maybe it is, but it's hard when I know it will never be more than teasing." Taking in Clark's wounded expression, he relented. "I don't mean to be rude, Clark. But you have to know what you do to me; you can't be _that_ innocent." 

"No, Lex, I'm not. I _do_ know what I'm doing to you. Maybe I'm doing it on purpose, you ever think of that?" His voice was suddenly serious. 

Lex stopped breathing for an instant. "Clark, you're not the type for cruel jokes. It doesn't become you, so stop while you're ahead." 

"I was just thinking, Lex...in order to lose my virginity, it doesn't _have_ to be a woman, right? Isn't that what you said earlier?" He glanced at Lex for a second before looking down at his feet. 

Lex was still as a statue. "Clark, stop right there. Don't even think that way. You're no more gay than your father is, and we both know it. Don't even entertain the thought." 

"Why not? I mean, I wouldn't have considered it before, and I would never consider it with any other man. But with you...well, the idea doesn't repulse me at all. It actually kinda...sounds nice," he finished lamely. 

_Once again_ , _the Good Samaritan_. "Clark, I know you feel sorry for me, thinking I'm lonely and all, but that's no reason to offer yourself to me. You're the best friend a person could ever have, and you don't need to offer more than you already have. I meant what I said; the sex is a small part that's not worth it if the rest is endangered." 

"I'm not offering out of pity, Lex. God, why do you always put me on a pedestal of sainthood? Maybe I'm a bit curious myself, okay? You've given me a whole new world of opportunities to think about, and I'm not about to pass this one up. I want to have sex with someone, and what's so wrong with having sex with you? We're closer than brothers could ever be, and I certainly don't find you repulsive. Sometimes I think you're downright sexy; I just never realized it was sexy because I'd never imagined I might be physically attracted to you. But you know what? I think I am. Your blue eyes are so dark and deep, it's like looking to into an ocean. I love your hands, isn't that crazy? They're like part of a sculpture, a statue. And you're so sleek and graceful, sometimes you move like a cat. I _love_ that, Lex. I never feel more _alive_ than I do when I'm with you. 

"Clark, go home now. You're getting yourself all worked up over something that shouldn't even be discussed. Go home tonight and think about this, and if you still want to go out tomorrow night, we'll go. We'll find you a nice, pretty little thing to be with, and you can start college in a few weeks as a man, okay?" Lex was more tired than he could ever remember being. He started gathering up the remains of their dinner, but quickly decided to leave it for the maid. He stood up and reached out toward Clark, offering him a hand. 

Clark stared at him for a few seconds, then finally accepted the hand. But rather than allowing Lex to pull him up, he tugged hard on Lex's hand and had Lex on his back in a flash. Before Lex could even open his mouth to protest, Clark was on him to prevent his escape. 

"Lex, this isn't wrong. It's what I want." He lowered his lips to Lex's and pushed with gentle pressure until he felt Lex give in. He increased the intensity of the kiss and used his tongue to will Lex to open his mouth. Lex moaned, and Clark was surprised when Lex pushed him up to stop the kiss. 

"Clark, you don't have to do this," he rasped, pleading with his eyes for Clark to stop now, while Lex still could. 

"Lex, I can't promise you anything. I'm not ready for anything serious, and I don't even know if I could ever be serious with a guy, but I _do_ know that I want this right now. I want _you_ right now, and I want my first experience to be with someone I trust, with someone I love, even if it's as a friend. Please, do this for me," he whispered, and Lex knew he couldn't fight anymore; he'd never been able to deny Clark anything. 

* * *

They ignored it for as long as they possibly could, but eventually reality made its way back into their lives with the shrill ringing of Clark's cell phone. He groaned and pulled himself out of Lex's embrace, searching Lex's bedroom floor for the pants he'd hastily thrown aside. He finally tracked down the offending object and answered. "Hi, Mom." 

Lex stared at the ceiling, listening to Clark's end of the conversation. "I know it's late, we just started playing pool and lost track of the time. I'll be home in a few minutes." A pause that was likely filled with Martha's concern for her son's safety. "I just want to spend as much time with him as I can before I leave in a few weeks." Another pause. "Well of course you guys are important, too, but I have lots of time with you. I'm sorry, I'll be home soon. Love you." He hung up and sighed. 

Lex chuckled and moved over, making room for Clark to crawl back into bed. "Is she jealous?" 

"Nah, just worried about me," Clark answered as he slid in beside Lex and promptly snuggled in closer. "She's not ready to let me grow up yet." 

"Can't blame her, Clark. I'm not ready for you to go away, either. I've been dreading the day you go off to college." 

"Yeah? I hadn't really thought about it until tonight. I knew I'd miss Mom and Dad, but I didn't consider how much I'd miss you. And after tonight, I'll miss you even more." He sounded close to tears. 

"Clark, don't worry about it. You know I'm just a helicopter ride away, okay? And I do have business in Metropolis occasionally; I'll stop in and see you every time I'm in town, I promise." He hugged Clark closer to him. 

"Okay. Can I call you and stuff?" 

"Of course. And there's always e-mail. You know I'm constantly on my laptop. You can send me threatening messages like `I know you're still working and it's midnight. Go to bed.'" 

Clark chuckled. "I guess." He paused, then asked hesitantly, "Lex? Can we do this again? Maybe when you visit? Or does this have to be the only time?" 

Lex froze. Tonight had been a miracle, and he'd never expected to have even one encounter with Clark. "What do you mean?" 

"Well..." Clark was nervous. "I just thought...I mean, I really enjoyed this. As I'm sure you know." Lex could feel the heat as Clark blushed against his chest. "I do plan to date while I'm away, but if I'm single and you're single and we're together sometime...wouldn't it be okay to use each other?" 

Lex couldn't help but laugh at Clark's choice of words. "'Use each other'? God, you make it sound sordid. Use me and abuse me, baby," he joked. 

"Lex, I'm serious! Sex with you is...well, _incredible_. I don't know if it's like that with a woman, or if it's just you, but it really doesn't matter. Cause it's something I'd like to experience again. And again. And--" 

"Whoa, slow down, tiger. I've created a monster here." Lex chuckled, then turned serious. "I don't know, Clark. I honestly don't. I don't want to make any commitment to this, because at any moment you could meet the woman of your dreams and end this." 

"So could you." 

Lex started. "What? No. We've been through that. But I don't want to get--" 

"Will you just open your mind to the idea that there's someone out there for you?" 

"I did, Clark. I have. It's you. Case closed." 

Clark grew frustrated again. "Lex, come on. Don't close the door on it, okay? You don't know what you might be missing out on. Just promise me that if you find a girl you like, you'll give it a chance." 

Knowing how unlikely that was to happen, Lex replied, "I promise." 

Clark wasn't convinced and narrowed his gaze at Lex's face. "You sure?" 

"Yes, Clark, I promise. Now, back to us. I don't want to get used to this. It'll be that much harder when you find someone else." 

"Or when _you_ do." 

Lex rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Whatever. Stop arguing with me." 

"I'm not arguing." 

"Yes you are." 

"Now _you_ ' _re_ arguing." 

"Alright, alright. Let's get back to the point." Lex hesitated. "What was my point again?" 

Clark laughed. "See, it was so lame you can't even remember it." 

"Look, I'm just saying that I don't want to get used to this happening. I never expected it to, and even once is enough to last me a lifetime. And I don't want you to keep away from women because you're afraid to hurt me by ending this." 

"Lex, that's not gonna happen. If I find someone, I won't let anything stop me; not even you. So forget that idea. But really, why can't we enjoy each other in the meantime?" 

Lex sighed, not knowing how to get out of this. He finally opted for appeasement. "Okay, Clark, we can try. If I'm in town and we're both free agents, we'll see what happens. But let's not make any concrete plans, okay? Let's just see how it goes." 

"Good," Clark answered, obviously feeling he'd won the round. Lex, however, had no intention of ever letting himself get this close to Clark again. 

* * *

( _5 months later_ , _Friday afternoon_ ) 

"Do you ever stop working?" Clark closed the penthouse door behind him. 

"Not unless forced to." Lex didn't even look up from his laptop. 

Clark pulled the computer out from under Lex's tapping fingers and set it gently on the sofa. He placed his body where the laptop had been so that Lex was staring into his groin. "Consider yourself forced." He leaned in for a kiss. 

Lex rolled his swivel chair backward to escape the assault, ignoring Clark's frustrated groan. "Did you bring a suit like I asked you to?" 

"No, but I did bring my dress-up clothes. I only wear suits to funerals, Lex." Seeing Lex in the kitchen, he added, "I'll take a Pepsi while you're in there." 

"I suppose they'll do. No jeans, right?" He tossed a can to soda to Clark. 

Clark rolled his eyes. "What kind of a heathen do you take me for?" 

"One who grew up on a farm in Kansas." He looked at his watch. "We still have a few hours before we need to leave if you want to unpack." 

"I only brought a few days' worth of clothes, Lex. I don't really need to `unpack.' Where are we going tonight, anyway?" 

"We," Lex began, and sat on the couch to face Clark, "are going to the opera." 

"Opera?" Clark looked scared. "Do I have to? It's not in some foreign language, is it?" 

"No, you heathen. It's in English, and it's about time you experience the opera. I'm determined to give you some culture if it kills you. Or me." 

Clark knew there was no getting out of it. "So what is it?" He joined Lex on the sofa. 

" _Phantom of the Opera_." 

"Oh, cool, I saw that movie. It was pretty good. At least I'll have some idea what's going on." 

"Knowing you, I'm sure it was the `80's remake you saw, not the classic." 

"Yes, it was," Clark answered defensively. "And it was really good." 

"Of course it was. Now, do you want to take a shower before you get dressed?" 

"Depends. Are you joining me?" Clark waggled his eyebrows. 

"Please, Clark, we don't have that much time. If we shower together, we'll miss the opera." 

"That's sort of the point," Clark smirked. 

Lex shook his head. "I still have some work to finish before I get dressed, since I was so rudely interrupted." 

He got up and walked back toward the desk, but before he could sit down Clark had gently shoved him up against the wall and trapped him there with his body. He gasped at Clark's nearness and the feeling of the erection rubbing against him. "Allow me to interrupt again. I hate showering alone," Clark growled, and Lex gave in. 

* * *

Clark winced at a particularly high-pitched note that grated on his superhearing. Lex leaned over and whispered, "You want to go?" 

Clark shook his head and was surprised to realize that he _didn_ ' _t_ want to. Having seen the movie must've been more helpful than he'd anticipated, because he was having no trouble following the storyline; he was actually getting caught up in the opera. He remembered the movie as being a horror story; the opera was more of a tragic love story, and he felt sorry for the phantom, whose only crime was having a face that disgusted the human race. _Thank God I look human_ , _or I_ ' _d be treated like that guy_ , he thought. _I know exactly how you feel_ , _dude_ ; _it sucks to be an outcast_. 

He wondered if Lex had ever felt like that, and knew the answer when he turned and caught the sheen of unshed tears in Lex's eyes as he watched the stage. Understanding Lex's inner misery, he reached over and covered Lex's hand in his own. He was surprised when Lex flipped his own hand over and linked his fingers through Clark's. They remained like that until the lights came up. 

* * *

Their lovemaking was intensely passionate and tender that night, and Clark reeled from the sweet pleasure of it. Lex's kisses were caresses, his thrusts slow and gentle. For once, Clark didn't feel the urgency or the impatient need Lex seemed to bring out in him; he was satisfied to draw out the moments so that they would last a lifetime. He responded to Lex in kind, content to watch Lex's passion rising in his eyes and escaping through low moans that sometimes heightened to kittenish mews. Clark kissed Lex deeply as he climaxed, drinking the sounds into his mouth like life-giving water. 

They laid in the dark as one for awhile, neither willing to break the mood that had settled, until Lex had no choice. "I'll be back. I have to urinate." 

Clark reluctantly let him go, laughing to himself. _Nobody says_ ` _urinate_ '. He sighed and closed his eyes, happy to just _be_. Knowing there would never be a more perfect opportunity, Clark steeled himself when Lex returned to the bed. "I need to tell you something." 

Lex must've sensed the tension in Clark's body. "Is this the big talk?" 

"Yeah." 

"Are you sure?" Lex turned onto his side so he could face Clark. 

"I'm sure. Don't you think it's about time?" Clark asked. 

"I do. But I don't want you to feel forced into this. I'm willing to give you your privacy." 

Clark nodded. "I know. You have for the past four years, and I've always appreciated it. But...it's now or never, I think." 

"Okay. I'm all ears." 

Clark smiled at Lex's eagerness. "Well...I don't really know where to start." 

"Would it help if I asked questions? Things I've wondered about?" 

"Yeah, okay. That might be easier. Go ahead." Clark took a deep breath. 

"I've gathered that you're pretty much indestructible. And extremely fast." He waited. "Right?" 

Clark nodded again. "Yeah." 

"So, are you a mutant? You told me that the red meteor rocks make you act strange, and I've been witness to that myself. So, the green rocks are okay? Are they good for you?" 

"No." Clark shuddered. "They make me sick. If I'm exposed to them long enough, I think it could kill me, but I'm not sure." 

"Oh. Okay. So do they...take away your...powers?" 

"Temporarily, yes. And I'm not a mutant, though I figured you thought that. I'm..." Why was this so hard to say? 

"Yes?" 

"An alien, I guess." 

Lex raised his eyebrows. "You _guess_?" 

"I _know_. I'm from a planet known as Krypton, though it's exploded or something. It's gone. I don't know how." 

"How do you know all this, Clark?" 

"Some of it we've figured out on our own, but I learned a lot from Dr. Swann." 

"The guy in New York, right?" 

"Right. He's been tracking my home planet for years. Well, he was until it disappeared. He's been looking for me all this time because he knew there was a child sent here. He found me when I drew that symbol on the barn. With my heatvision." Clark winced. 

"Your what? What the hell is that? What all can you do, Clark?" Lex was trying hard to believe this, and Clark knew what was coming; Lex was a born scientist and would want proof before truly believing any of this. Clark dreaded the weekend ahead, which would be filled with exhibitions of his powers. 

"We'll talk about it all tomorrow. So far, I know I can set things on fire, I can hear better than a dog, I can fly, and I can see through things. Like...when you're sick, I can look inside you and see where the problem is. You know, your lungs or whatever. Well, not _you_ \--you don't seem to get sick." He paused. "You're not an alien, too, are you? Or a mutant?" 

Lex laughed harshly. "No, although sometimes my dad wonders. My God, I knew you were powerful, but...an alien? This is unbelievable. Wait, did you say you can _fly_?" 

"Lex, don't get too excited, okay? Please, it's not something I want to get out. My parents have worked hard my whole life to protect me, and my dad's positive you'll exploit me if you ever find out. You won't, will you?" For one brief second, he thought his dad might be right. 

Lex looked pained and offended. "Clark, do you really think that? Honestly?" 

Clark sighed in relief when he realized he didn't think that. "No. If I did, I wouldn't have told you. But...are you okay with this? Do I disgust you, like the phantom?" 

Now Lex was outraged. "You really _don_ ' _t_ know me, do you? How can you think I would hate you because of this? Jesus, Clark, don't you understand how I feel about you? Haven't you figured out by now that I can't live without you in my life? I hate it, hate being so damned dependent on another human being. Or whatever you are. You make me weak, you make me ashamed of my inability to control my own feelings. And you think I'd push you away because you're an _alien_? God, I only _wish_ it was that easy." 

Clark didn't know whether to be hurt or proud after Lex's outburst. He hadn't quite realized how deeply he affected Lex, but he didn't like that Lex would change it if he could. Clark was absurdly happy with the knowledge that Lex _couldn_ ' _t_ change it, and it made him feel secure to know that even after the big secret was out, Lex would still be there for him. He scooted closer to Lex and pulled him in, tightening his arms when Lex fought it. When Lex finally relaxed against him, Clark soothed him with kisses and caresses, and assured him that everything would be okay. 

* * *

( _1 month later_ ) 

Being an alien was much more difficult than anyone would have believed. It wasn't just the fear of not fitting in, or the apprehension of new powers that might pop up overnight; not even the fear of being discovered. The hardest thing about it, Clark had discovered, was the fight to resist the temptations that came with it. 

At this moment, sitting in philosophy class at Metropolis University, Clark was having a terrible time controlling his heat vision. Would it really be so wrong to set a teeny tiny fire in the room, just to break up class early? He kept glancing at the clock on the wall, willing the little hand to just _move_ already, hadn't it been even two minutes yet? Why couldn't the professor just wrap it up already, Clark was sure they'd heard everything there was to know about the great Aristotle. 

Or then again, maybe not. His head whipped up at the mention of Alexander the Great, who had apparently been a student of the respected philosopher. _Oh great_ , Clark thought, _just make it worse by mentioning Alexander the Great_. _Like it isn_ ' _t already killing me to wait for Lex_. 

His rapidly tapping foot must've been distracting; he jumped when Linda Lewis leaned over from her seat next to him and whispered, "Clark, is everything okay?" 

_Calm down_ , _Clark_. _This isn_ ' _t helping_. He gave Linda his "reassuring" smile and whispered back, "Yeah. Just impatient to be out of here." 

"Fridays are always the worst, aren't they?" she returned with a conspiratorial wink. 

Clark answered with a genuine grin and sighed, looking down at his notebook. His eyes widened as he took in the doodles he'd apparently sketched in. There was no worry of discovery, since as far as he knew no one else on Earth read Kryptonian symbols, but he certainly knew enough to read that he'd written "LEX" all around the few notes he'd actually taken down. Seeing this proof of his obsession made him want to scream with impatience. Linda was right; Fridays were always the worst, especially when it was a Friday that Lex was arriving for the weekend. 

The sound of books closing and zippers being opened disrupted Clark's train of thought. He looked up and was overjoyed to see everyone packing up. He quickly followed suit, and once again had to resist the temptation to use his powers; this time, his superspeed. Just the knowledge that Lex was at the penthouse at this moment sent a thrill through Clark's body, and he quickly went through the routine in his head. _First_ , _go back to the dorm and drop everything off_. _Next_ , _pack up a few things for the weekend_. _Don_ ' _t forget to call Mom and let her know you_ ' _ll be gone until Sunday night_. _Leave a note for Pete in case he stops by_. _Fill up the tank in the_ \-- 

"Clark!" 

He stopped just outside the door of the classroom, wondering who could possibly be cruel enough to prolong his agony. Taking a steadying breath, he turned back to see Linda flagging him down and waited for her to catch up. 

"Geez, Clark, can you walk any faster? Those long legs will get you far in life," she teased. 

He ducked his head, abashed for the moment. Was it that obvious he was in a hurry? Then again, this was Linda, who had become a good friend and study buddy in the time he'd been at MetU. Linda had an amazing knack for reading Clark's mind, and rather than be afraid of it, Clark had found it comforting. He'd come to rely on her discreet listening skills and frequent bouts with insomnia to get him through the shock of being away from home for the first time. She knew all there was to know about Clark, except of course his two biggest secrets--Lex and Krypton. 

"Sorry, I didn't know you were trying to catch up. What's up?" 

"First off, I just wanted to make sure everything's okay. You seem anxious today; anything wrong?" 

Her concern reminded Clark of his mother, and he suddenly understood his affection for Linda a whole lot more. "I just have plans for the weekend, and I'm anxious to get out of here." 

"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "Well...okay, never mind the second thing, then." Linda blushed. 

Clark became concerned, because Linda _never_ blushed. "Linda, what is it?" 

She closed her eyes and visibly braced herself. "Clark, I was wondering if you'd want to go on a date. With me." She opened her eyes and winced in anticipation of Clark's rejection. 

Clark didn't know what to say. He liked Linda a lot and would never dream of hurting her. How to do this delicately? 

"It's okay, Clark. I had to try. I figured you'd probably say no, but I also knew you'd never say yes if I didn't ask, you know? Are you going out with that girl again this weekend?" 

Now Clark was confused. "Girl? There's no other girl, I'm just not interested in a relationship right now. With anyone. Please don't take it personally, it's me, not you." Now he gave her his "tender" smile. 

Linda rolled her eyes at him. "Clark, please don't lie to me about this, I know you too well. I know you've got a girl out there somewhere, and you spend the weekend with her once in awhile. Like this weekend, your plans are with her, right?" She didn't sound accusing, just curious. 

Clark shook his head. "Linda, why would you think that?" 

"It's obvious, Clark. At least to me. Every time you have plans for the weekend, you get antsy on Friday. You rush out of class and are off the campus within ten minutes. I know because I see your truck passing my dorm window. And then you come back Sunday just bubbling over with glee, and when I ask what you did all weekend, it's `Oh, nothing special. Just hung out with an old friend.' But your eyes tell a different story, Clark Kent, and it's obvious you've spent time with a girl. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, that's fine. But don't lie to me, okay? Just say you don't want to talk about it." 

Clark gaped at her. Was he really that obvious? God, he'd have to watch himself. "I don't want to talk about it. Okay?" He grinned at her to take the sting out of his words. 

To his immense relief, she grinned back. "I knew it! See, you can't hide anything from me, Clark. It's okay, don't feel bad. I just thought I'd take a chance and see if there might be anything more between us, but I understand your feelings. Tell me all about it when you get back?" 

He couldn't resist giving her a big hug. "We'll see. I'm really not comfortable talking about it, but you're right; there is someone. I'll stop by your room Sunday night. Maybe we can grab dinner somewhere, okay?" 

"Call me when you get back. Have fun, Clark." She gave him an extra squeeze and walked away. 

He turned this new development over in his mind as he walked to his dorm room, and was surprised to find himself at the door before he knew it. _God_ , _I hope I didn't superspeed_. He rushed into the room and immediately glanced at the answering machine, rolling his eyes when he saw the flashing red light. _I_ ' _m coming_ , _Lex_ , _just give me a minute_. As if he hadn't been in a huge hurry just ten minutes earlier. 

He pushed the playback button and listened to the messages while he packed up some clothes. The first one was from his mom, wondering when he was planning to spend a weekend in Smallville again. "We haven't seen you since Christmas, you know. Call me tonight, maybe we can plan for next weekend." _I_ ' _ll call you_ , _but only to let you know I_ ' _ll be away for the weekend_ , he thought. 

The next message was the voice he'd longed to hear, and he rushed over to the machine to turn up the volume. "Hey, Clark. Plans sort of changed this weekend. I'm here at the penthouse, but I won't be here long. Come down as soon as you get this and we'll talk about it. Sorry to disappoint you, but I think you'll be happy once you understand the situation." 

Oh. Plans changed. Well. 

Something had to be wrong; Lex _never_ canceled his weekends in Metropolis. True, this was usually because he had business meetings, but _still_. 

Clark sat on his bed, puzzled. What could possibly be important enough to make him cancel their weekend together? From what he could tell, Lex looked forward to these trysts as much as Clark, if not more. Something was _definitely_ wrong, and anger blazed through his body when he realized that only one thing, only one _person_ , could get to Lex like that. It had to be Lionel, doubtless wreaking havoc on Lex's business once again. 

And here was another temptation Clark had a hard time resisting--the desire to destroy Lionel, both physically and metaphorically. There had honestly been times over the years that Clark had ruminated over the positive affect Lionel's absence would have on Lex's life. Ruminated and dismissed the subsequent thoughts of harm. 

Clark was tired of it, tired of seeing Lex crumble under his father's invisible whip. The fact that Lex was returning to Smallville no doubt meant that Lionel was in Smallville. Clark thought maybe it was time to have a little talk with Lionel, and what better time than the present? 

He slowly stood up and resumed his packing. He'd return to Smallville with Lex tonight and put an end to Lionel's tyranny. After all, hadn't his mother said he didn't visit often enough? 

* * *

Lex didn't think he'd ever been this nervous, not in all the boardroom speeches, not in oral expression (that torturous class in school that warped children for life), not even when facing down his father. He expected Clark to be the absolute most difficult person he would ever have to face down, and prayed he didn't blow this. 

He heard the elevator ding and broke out in a cold sweat. This was going to be hell, and he hoped to God Clark wasn't dressed to kill. He quickly wiped his face and scalp with a monogrammed silk handkerchief and moved toward the door, opening it before Clark had a chance to ring the bell. 

Clark's face brightened when he saw Lex. "Hi." He moved past Lex and into the living room, setting down a large gym bag on the sofa. 

"Hey, Clark. What's that for?" Lex asked, nodding toward the bag while closing the door. 

"Well, I figured that since you couldn't stay here this weekend, I'd go back home with you. My mom's been bugging me to visit anyway." He smiled, looking to Lex for approval of the idea. 

_Think quick_ , _Lex_. He shrugged. "Maybe that's not such a bad idea. I was going to just _tell_ you about Jessica, but now you can meet her yourself. She's been asking about you, anyway." He stilled and waited for Clark's reaction. 

Clark froze. "Jessica?" 

"Yes, Clark. I know I kept fighting you on this, but it turns out you were right; I just had to find the right woman. Lex Luthor has finally fallen in love." Now a big smile to finish the declaration. 

He'd expected the awestruck silence that followed. What he hadn't expected was the pain, the absolute agony that flashed through Clark's eyes. _God_ , _I should never have let it get this far_. _All those times I swore I would visit Clark and not have sex with him_ , _I should_ ' _ve held my ground_. _But no_ , _instead I let him wear me down and we ended up in bed every single damn time_. _Well_ , _Lex_ , _this is what you get for your weak resolve_. _And Clark just doesn_ ' _t seem to understand how difficult it is for me to go along with the sex_ , _knowing it will never be more_. _It_ ' _s killing me_. 

He had to take control of the outcome, now. "Clark, aren't you happy for me? You're the one who kept telling me to keep an open mind." 

Lex watched Clark blink rapidly and wandered toward the window to give him a chance to get his emotions under control. He gazed out over the bustling city of Metropolis and waited for Clark to break the silence. 

He finally did after a minute. "Jessica, huh? Lex, I had no idea. Why didn't you ever mention her?" 

Lex had to admire Clark's control. He was doing better than Lex had expected. He turned around. "Well, I didn't want to get your hopes up. Or mine, for that matter. I knew if I told you I was dating, you'd push me harder than I was ready to move. I know how badly you want to see me involved with a woman, and I thought it best to know it was going somewhere before bringing it out in the open. So I waited." 

"And is it? Going somewhere, I mean?" 

"Yes, Clark. I've asked her to marry me." 

Clark sat down hard on the sofa, and Lex wondered if his legs had given out on him. "Clark, are you okay? I know this is a huge adjustment, but we knew the day would come. You _are_ happy for me, aren't you?" 

He looked anything _but_ happy as he asked, "Isn't it a bit soon, Lex? I don't want you to jump into anything again. We don't want another incident like you had with Desiree. How well do you know this woman? How do you know she's not after your money?" 

"Clark, we've been dating for five months now, and I don't have to worry about money. She's rich herself, a very prominent lawyer from Edge City. I've done a thorough background check, and I'm confident that all is as it seems." 

Now Clark looked as if he might vomit. "Five months?" 

"Well..." Now he'd done it. Maybe he'd gone a bit too far with that one. "It was just casual dating until recently. We both realized that we were ready to settle down, and we complement each other so well that it was a natural decision to become engaged." Lex moved over to the sofa and lowered himself down next to Clark. "Clark, I know this is sudden for you. It's a bit sudden for me, to be honest, but it feels right. You and I both knew this was just temporary; I'm sorry to spring this on you, but it's for the best. Now you don't have to worry about me anymore; I won't be alone. I'm happy about it, and I'm asking you to support me in this. Of course, I'll expect you to be the best man." _That_ 's right*, _Lex_ , _lighten the mood_. _Anything to see that brilliant smile again_. 

But Clark didn't smile. He didn't even look at Lex. "What's she like?" 

"Well, why don't you come home with me and find out for yourself? I'm meeting her for dinner later tonight when I get back. It would be wonderful if you and your parents would join us. I'd like for them to meet her, as well. Make sure she gets that Kent seal of approval and all." 

"Actually, I think Mom and Dad already have plans tonight. And I have a huge essay to write about Aristotle, so--" 

"Ah, Aristotle. Did you know he was a teacher to Alexander the Great?" 

"Yes," Clark mumbled. "But as long as you're not staying anyway, I might as well spend the weekend here, working on my essay. I don't mean to be rude, Lex; I _do_ want to meet...Jessica. Mom suggested I come out to the farm next weekend. Would that do?" For the first time, Clark met Lex's gaze. 

"Sure, that would be great. I'll send the helicopter out to get you Friday afternoon." 

"Well, this is kind of a relief, Lex. I mean, yeah, what a shocker, but you're right--it's actually for the best." Clark offered a tiny smile. "I turned down a date tonight because of you." 

Oh. Wow. "Really? Well, then, forget that essay. You have a girl to entertain!" Lex thought he was doing well covering his own shock. 

"Yeah, and you'll love her. She's a psychology major and can totally read my mind; she actually figured out...well, never mind. But we've been friends since August and she's great. Maybe I'll bring her home with me next weekend. That would be perfect, wouldn't it? You and Jessica, me and Linda...both could meet my parents." Clark's smile looked genuine, but Lex couldn't be sure. 

"Well then, even better! See, Clark, I knew this would work out for the best. Now you can move on with your love life, and I can settle down. Frankly, your youthful passion has been wearing me out." 

"Oh come on, Lex, you're the one who keeps initiating sex each weekend." 

"Only after the first time." 

Clark grinned that brilliant smile, the one Lex had been praying to see, and all at once Lex knew it would truly be okay. They would settle back into the comfortable friendship they'd shared before the sex came into it, and Clark would find a woman to keep him company. Somehow, he'd managed to make it okay. 

"Well, I'd better go. I need to call Linda before she makes other plans." Clark picked up his gym bag. 

"Clark, about Linda. You said she could read your mind, that she'd figured out something. She doesn't know about...Krypton, does she?" 

"No. I haven't told her anything about that, and I don't plan to unless we get a whole lot more serious. I only share that secret with...well, with soul mates, I guess you'd say." 

"Are you telling me Pete's a soul mate, Clark?" 

"In some ways. He'll always be my friend, and will die to keep my secrets." 

"Does he know about...us?" 

"Of course not, Lex. He'd probably never speak to me again if he knew about...us." 

"Right." Lex was oddly comforted by the knowledge that he was the only person on Earth that knew all of Clark's secrets. 

"Okay, well, have a safe trip back, Lex. I'll call you sometime tomorrow, let you know how my date went." Once again, the megawatt smile. 

"Sure, Clark. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Lex added nastily. 

"Yeah yeah, you're so wicked, Lex. That tie just screams `whore'". 

"Shut up, farm boy. Go show your date how to milk a cow, why don't you?" 

"Nah, there are better things for her to milk, Lex." Clark winked and walked out, closing the door loudly behind him. 

_My my_ , _when did Clark Kent grow up_? _Now he_ ' _s telling dirty jokes_? Lex shook his head, refusing to acknowledge that he was probably to blame for that, and it wasn't until he was sitting on the helicopter, halfway back to Smallville, when he realized that the megawatt smile had never once reached up to Clark's eyes. 

* * *

Needing to lick his wounds, Clark sped halfway to the Kent farm's loft before realizing that Smallville was the last place he wanted to be. Obviously, Luthor Manor wasn't an option, either. He couldn't return to his dorm room because his roommate was there, and quickly dismissed the idea of visiting Pete or Lana; neither would understand his need for unquestioned solitude. 

In the end he decided the location didn't matter as long as he could be alone to sulk, and walked back to Metropolis at a human pace. His mind was jumbled with painful thoughts of "How could he do this to me?" and "How could I have been so stupid?" and most importantly, "Why does it bother me so much?" Clark had been the one to set the ground rules in the beginning, the one to insist the relationship be casual. And though Lex had always needed to be coaxed into sex, he'd certainly seemed to enjoy their encounters as much as Clark had. 

But all this time, there'd been someone else. 

_Jessica_. 

And just who the hell was this Jessica? If she was such a big part of Lex's life, why hadn't he heard about her before? Was Lex trying to keep her a secret? There had been no hint of a special someone in Lex's life, not in any of the society pages or gossip columns. There had been no warning whatsoever. 

And that, Clark realized, was precisely what hurt so much about all of this. He'd had no time to prepare himself for the letdown, for the "dismissal." Lex hadn't given him any signs that things weren't going to continue, that he wasn't happy with Clark's "companionship." He hadn't even trusted his own best friend with the knowledge of his new relationship, which really wasn't "new" at all, but five months old. 

_Five months_ , Clark thought. _All that time_ , _I thought I was the only one_. _How could he lie to me like that_? _How could he keep this from me_? 

His thoughts continued in this vein for the remainder of his walk home, and by the time he reached the campus he'd worked himself into a self-pitied fury. Knowing better than to take his anger out on his roommate, he headed for Linda's room. 

Other than surprise at seeing Clark on-campus at that moment, Linda didn't seem at all bothered by Clark's visit. She let him into the room and offered him hot cocoa. He started to protest, but she shut him up quickly. "I'm already boiling water for my own, so it's no problem. Have a seat." She motioned to her bed. "Just push all the books aside." 

He complied. "Can't sleep again?" 

"Nope. I was just about to go for a drive, too; that seems to help sometimes. Good thing you showed up when you did." She poured the hot water into two mugs and stirred in cocoa powder. "Milk?" 

"Yeah." He sighed. "You want me to go?" 

"Of course not. You look extremely pissed off, and since you're here, I'm assuming your weekend went down the toilet?" She carried over the steaming mugs and handed one to Clark before scooting onto the bed next to him. 

He wanted to sip the cocoa, he actually got the mug to his lips, but could take it no further because that's when he broke down completely. Linda hastily grabbed the cup away before he spilled it and set the mugs down before staring at him, dumbfounded. 

"Clark, oh my God. I've never seen you cry. What's wrong, sweetheart?" She folded him into her arms and held him, unaware that she sounded exactly like Martha Kent at that moment. 

"I'm an idiot, that's what. And my best friend is an asshole. And life just fucking sucks right now," he wailed. 

Linda had also never heard Clark Kent curse or sound like a teenager before. _It_ ' _s gonna be a long night_ , she thought, not unkindly. "Shhh. Just let it go, there's time for talk later." 

Clark continued to babble and sob for a few minutes, and when Linda thought it was tapering off she handed him some tissues and his cocoa. He used both and smiled weakly at her. "I'm sorry." 

"Don't be, that's what I'm here for. It's good practice for me. Someday I'll get paid for this." She winked at him. 

Another wan smile. "Thanks. I didn't really know where else to go." 

"So...break up with her?" 

"Him." 

Linda's mouth became a gaping "O". "Oh. I didn't know." 

"It's okay." He looked closely at her. "Is it? Okay with you, I mean?" 

"What? Oh yeah, sure. I don't care if you're gay. I just wish I'd known before I asked you out on a date." 

Clark shook his head vehemently. "No. I'm not gay. I like women." 

Sensing this was a touchy subject, Linda decided to move on for the moment. "So...you were dating your best friend?" 

"No. We weren't dating, just...uh...together. Sometimes." 

"Sometimes." 

"Just...when he visited, we would...you know. Be together." 

"Be together." 

"Linda, stop repeating me. You're making me feel stupid." He sipped more cocoa and leaned back against the wall. 

"Sorry. I'm just trying to understand. So there was no actual relationship, just...sex?" 

"No, it wasn't just sex. We're best friends." Clark was getting defensive again. 

"Okay. Best friends who became lovers? Is that better?" 

"Lovers? I never thought of it that way, but...yeah, I guess." He seemed to think on that. 

"Clark, I get the feeling this sort of just happened between you two. You never really talked about it, did you? Just did whatever you felt at the time? There was never any real discussion about where the relationship was going?" 

"Linda, I told you. It wasn't a relationship, we just got together when we needed to. That's all I asked for, from the start. And he said okay, and then it just happened whenever he visited." 

"So you _asked_ for this? You wanted to sleep with him occasionally, and he was okay with that, and that's what's been going on between you two? Is that what you're saying?" Linda tried not to let her frustration creep into her voice. 

"Yes. That's it." 

"Okay." _Now we_ ' _re getting somewhere_. "And I assume he broke it off tonight?" 

"Uh huh. He's getting married," Clark stated flatly. 

Linda raised her eyebrows. "So he's been sleeping with you while he was dating another woman?" 

"No! Well, yeah. I just found out tonight. He's been dating her almost the whole time we were together. And he didn't even tell me." The hurt in his voice made Linda want to hug him again. 

"Best friends who become lovers but don't tell each other there's someone else. Sounds like he didn't want to lose you. Why now, because he's getting married?" 

Clark shrugged noncommittally. "I guess. We knew it wasn't going to last, but...he didn't even warn me, or anything. Just--`Hey Clark, I'm getting married and we're through. Aren't you happy for me?' Bastard." 

"Can I ask you something, Clark? If you knew it wasn't going to last, and if you didn't want anything more, why does this bother you? Don't you _want_ him to be happy?" 

"See, that's just it! I've been wondering the same thing. I mean, yeah, I'm pissed at him for not telling me about her. I'm his best friend, don't I deserve that much? But okay, I guess I can look past that. But I don't want to see him hurt again, either. Linda, you have no idea what this guy has been through in his life. He's been hurt so many times that he doesn't let anyone in." 

"Except you." 

"Except me. Cause I know him. I know what he's afraid of, what makes him happy, how he likes his eggs, what books and movies he likes. Even his own father doesn't know him that well. I'm just afraid no one will be able to watch out for him like I do." 

"Clark, you can still watch out for him as a friend. He's not shutting you out of his life, right?" 

"No, he wants me to meet her." Clark made this sound like the most disgusting idea ever voiced. 

Linda smiled. "And what did you say to that?" 

"I told him maybe next weekend." Clark snickered. "And then I told him about you, how you'd asked me on a date. I made it sound like you were my girlfriend." 

"You what? You tried to make him jealous, didn't you?" Once again, Linda wasn't accusing, just curious. 

"Huh? Oh. I guess I did. I hadn't realized. It was just...a matter of pride, you know? I couldn't let him see how much he hurt me." 

"Why not?" 

Clark looked up, surprised. " _Why not_? What do you mean? I can't tell him how I really feel." 

"How _do_ you really feel, Clark?" Linda finally thought they were getting to the crux of the matter. 

"Just...hurt. Rejected. Lonely, I guess. Abandoned. Of all people, I never thought Lex would be the one to abandon me." 

"He's not abandoning you, Clark. He's moving on. You can still look after him and protect him as a friend. I think the truth is that you just got too comfortable with the `arrangement.' You weren't alone, but there was no pressure, either. It was an ideal situation for you, but it had to end sometime." She paused for a moment, knowing the next comment would hit him hard. "Unless you _wanted_ it to become serious." 

Clark took a few moments to work through that idea. Finally he answered, "I don't know, Linda. Maybe...maybe I wouldn't have minded that so much. Maybe I _was_ thinking it wouldn't end." 

"Clark," she began softly, "maybe you should tell him that. Maybe it would change things." 

"No, I could never do that. I mean, he obviously didn't want anything serious with me; he was dating her almost from the start. I can't let him see that I'm upset. He deserves to be happy, and if it's with someone else..." The tears welled up again. 

"So instead, you'd rather be the supportive friend and get your own heart broken?" 

He nodded almost immediately. "Yes. His happiness is what's most important to me." 

She sighed. "Okay. So what are you going to do when you meet her? Think you'll be prepared?" 

Clark bit his lip. "I'll have to be. But I can't face it alone. You'll come, right?" He turned pleading green eyes to her. 

"What? Me?" 

"Yes. Please, I already told him about you. He's expecting to meet you. I know I shouldn't have lied, but it's too late now. Please do this for me. Come with me, pretend to be my girlfriend, so he can see that I'm okay with everything. Please?" 

Linda _knew_ this was a bad idea, but had two strikes against her in this; she knew Clark would need some sort of support to see this through, and more importantly, she couldn't deny Clark anything he asked. Lex would've understood perfectly. 

* * *

( _One week later_ ) 

"So, Lex, you really haven't told me much about this Clark Kent. What's he like?" 

Lex looked away from the table that was being decorated for dinner, distracted by Jessica's question. "Clark? He's...amazing. A bit shy at first, but he'll warm up to you eventually. Just remember, the news of our relationship hit him pretty hard, so he may not be overwhelmingly friendly at first. However, he was raised well enough to be polite and tactful. Make sure we have plenty of ranch dressing for the salads; Clark loves it." He directed the last comment to Becky, his server. 

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, we have to make sure everything is perfect for Clark. God, Lex, you are so taken with this boy." 

"You will be too, when you meet him. That much I promise you. He's got this...magnetism about him that just draws people in. Everyone who spends more than a few minutes with him feels the need to make him happy, to just...serve him. Am I right, Becky?" 

Becky smiled. "Yes, Mr. Luthor. I sure do miss him since he went away to college. He was here so often during his senior year that I made it a point to always keep the kitchen stocked with milk and lunch meat, along with mountains of junk food. He has a fondness for sandwiches and milk." 

Lex grinned. "That he does. I don't know how many times I suffered processed lunch meat for him." 

"And he's bringing a date?" Jessica arched an eyebrow at Lex. 

He paused and grimaced. "Yes. Laura, I think. No, wait, it was Linda. Some girl he met at school. His parents were also supposed to come, but couldn't tear themselves away from the farm, I guess." 

"I see. Oh, I think I heard the doorbell. Now I get to meet the Amazing Clark Kent. Are you ready, Lex?" 

Lex sighed. "As ready as I'll ever be." 

* * *

Jessica understood Lex's warnings as soon as Clark was shown into the study, where they would chat awhile before dinner. It wasn't exactly his physical qualities that struck her so forcefully, although she had to admit the young man was striking to look at. It was more his aura, his ethereal presence that descended over her; he didn't look like an angel by any means, with his dark hair, sturdy body, and casual clothing, but he somehow... _represented_ one. A _guardian_ angel, who gave off the impression that he was there to protect and to oversee, and it was obvious in his unspoken claim that Lex was his first priority in that sense. 

Linda, on the other hand, had been somewhat prepared for Lex; living in Metropolis, it would've been impossible not to know who Lex Luthor was. She'd expected the sophisticated clothing, the polite handshake, and the practiced smile as he was introduced to her. What surprised her, though, was the way his eyes lit up when he turned to Clark, the way his smile widened and became genuine, the casual squeeze of Clark's shoulder in greeting. _Well_ , _of course_ , _Linda_ , _what did you expect_? _They were lovers_ , _after all_. Still, Lex seemed so relaxed in Clark's presence, so unlike the millionaire she'd come to know through the newspapers. She'd been ready to dislike Lex, but this was a side of him she hadn't expected and guessed that many people never got to see. 

Clark smiled at Jessica graciously and shook her hand like the polite young man he'd been raised to be. He complimented her blouse and asked about her home town, all the while sizing her up as he would a potential enemy. _She_ ' _s beautiful_ , _of course_ , _and just as sophisticated as Lex_. _I should_ ' _ve known he_ ' _d never settle for the_ " _farm boy_." 

Lex almost laughed at all the sizing-up going on in the room. _There should be a support group for overprotective friends_. He offered everyone drinks and appetizers, then suggested they relax before the fire until dinner was ready, which would be momentarily. 

"Do I need to beware of snails, Lex?" Clark asked warily, staring at the tray of hors d'oeuvres. 

Lex rolled his eyes. "No, Clark, I promise there's nothing more lethal on that tray than artery-clogging cheese. Honestly," he addressed the women, "I can't take this boy anywhere. He's an embarrassment at the company parties." 

The women chuckled and sampled the snacks, returning to sit next to their respective dates on the sofas. "So, Clark," Jessica began, "what are you studying at the university?" 

"Journalism. I'm one of those people who believe the public has a right to know what's going on around them." 

Jessica smiled. "That's noble. As a defense attorney, I can tell you that sometimes the public only hears one side of the story. It's rare that they understand the motivations or the situation that can lead to a crime." 

"That's where Linda comes in. She's a psychology major, looking to specialize in psychiatry. And she gets plenty of practice on me." Clark smiled fondly at her. 

Linda laughed and joined in. "Yes, that's true enough. But seriously, Jessica, I agree with you. Most criminals don't start out bad. Life has a tendency to beat us into the ground, and I think it's the ones who don't learn to cope early on that end up acting out their impulses." 

"That's an interesting viewpoint, Linda," Lex commented. "Are you saying that criminals should be pitied?" 

"No, it's not that simple, Lex." She felt weird calling him by his first name. "Granted, there are those who just aren't _right_ somehow and would end up behind bars no matter what life throws at them, but I think the majority of criminals could've been saved at some point." 

"Saved?" Now Lex was truly intrigued. 

"Yeah. By parents, a mentor, even a friend. Someone who could teach them how to cope, or just be there and be supportive when they get those negative impulses. I mean, people in power have the potential to use it any way they please. Everyone gets the urge to just haul off and whack someone once in awhile, but those who have the support of a loved one are much less likely to follow through on the urge; they'd most likely just run to that loved one and release all the frustration through talk and tears. And there are some people who don't have anyone to run to, and that's what psychiatrists are for. I want to be there for those people who would otherwise act out their basest instincts." 

Clark had been watching Lex's face through this little speech, wondering if Lex was thinking of him. Would his marriage to Jessica change that part of their friendship, would Jessica now be the one he turned to? The thought of it saddened him, and he looked away. 

Jessica was impressed. "You know, Linda, I think you're going to be a fabulous success when you get your own business. Make sure I get a business card when the time comes; I think many of my clients need someone like you." 

Becky poked her head into the room. "Dinner's served. And Mr. Kent, it's such a pleasure to see you again. You should visit us more often!" 

Clark grinned and walked over to give her a big hug. "Becky, please, how many times do I have to tell you? It's just Clark, okay? And it's good to see you, too. What's for dinner?" 

Lex rolled his eyes at Linda. "Have you noticed that all he thinks about is food? I hope you get rich with your practice; you'll need the money to keep him fed." 

Linda laughed. "Who knows, maybe he'll break a really big story, like an alien living on Earth or something? Then he could support _me_." 

Lex allowed his face to go blank before he gave away his surprise at the comment. He glanced at Clark to see if he'd overheard the comment, but Clark was still asking about food. Trying to catch his eye, he realized that Clark hadn't met his eyes all evening. 

* * *

"So you live in Edge City, Jessica? Do you plan to move here when you guys are married?" Clark hoped he didn't sound too apprehensive. 

"Well, we haven't really discussed all that yet, Clark," she answered. "It's still a bit new to us." 

"When's the wedding?" Linda asked as she reached for a second helping of mashed potatoes. 

"We haven't decided." Lex smiled at Jessica. "We really haven't decided anything past the marriage part." 

"And that Clark will be the best man," Jessica added. 

"Can I bring Linda, Lex?" 

"Of course," Jessica responded quickly. "You're invited, Linda, if you'd like to come." 

Linda glanced at Clark, who nodded vigorously. "You're coming." 

"Sure, I'd love to. And if you need any help planning the reception, let me know, Jessica. I have five sisters, and I planned all their weddings. I know the best way to cut costs without losing the elegance. Not that you guys need to worry about money, though." 

"True," Clark commented. "If we get married, of course, it'll be a different story." 

Lex looked up in surprise. "You're getting married? When did this happen?" 

Jessica shook her head at his transparency. "No, Lex, he said `if'." 

"Oh. I was just thinking it was a bit soon, that's all." 

"Not really, Lex," Clark stated. "After all, you two have been dating less time than Linda and I have known each other." 

Lex paused while wiping his mouth with a cloth napkin. "I suppose that's true. But you two just started dating, right?" 

"I guess." 

Clark was bordering on petulant, and Linda jumped in to cover it. "How long have you two known each other?" 

Jessica picked up the thread. "I've known Lex since we were teenagers. My brother was his roommate at the Academy, and Lex used to come home with him over the holidays." 

Clark looked absolutely betrayed. "Oh really? I didn't know that; I thought you two met recently." He shot Lex daggers. 

Lex ignored the glare. "I never said that, Clark. I just said we'd been dating for about five months. We met a long time ago, and have kept in touch ever since. It never hurts to have a defense attorney on your side," he deadpanned. 

Linda sensed the tension rising quickly, and frantically grasped for a rope to pull them away from the choppy waters, but Jessica beat her to it. "How did you two meet, anyway, Lex?" 

Lex hadn't been prepared for the question and responded automatically, "He saved my life." 

"He saved your life? In the sense Linda mentioned earlier, or literally?" 

"Both, probably," Lex smirked. 

"Yeah, he hit me with his car, the reckless idiot. Well, he tried to, anyway. But he missed and went off a bridge." There was an edge to Clark's voice that sounded alarm bells in Linda's mind. 

"My car landed in the river, and Clark pulled me out of it before I could drown. I owe him my life. Literally." He looked up at Clark. "And I'll never forget it." 

"I know, Lex." He seemed to soften a bit. 

"Well," Lex started, "I think it's time for dessert. I'll go let Becky know we're ready." 

"What's for dessert?" Clark asked expectantly. 

The women laughed. "Why don't you come with me, Clark, and you can choose. Besides, I want to show you the latest _Warrior Angel_ I acquired. If you ladies don't mind? We won't be long." 

"Not at all," Linda answered. "Jessica, why don't we wander over to the study and fix ourselves some drinks?" 

"Sounds wonderful. Lex, just let us know when dessert's ready." 

"Sure, darling. Come on, Clark." He led Clark out of the room with a hand on his arm, and Linda was once again struck by the blind comfort they shared in each other's presence. 

* * *

While Jessica went straight for the bar, Linda walked over to the window and stared out over Smallville, thinking. She had gathered from Clark's description of his relationship with Lex that Lex was amusing himself with Clark, and had only agreed to the arrangement as a temporary distraction from his glamorous lifestyle. She'd been sure that Clark was unaware of Lex's true motives, and this was the reason he'd been so upset when Lex broke it off. 

After spending a few hours around the two of them together, though, Linda had come to a different conclusion, and it bothered her greatly because it made absolutely no sense given the current circumstances. 

Lex Luthor was in love with Clark Kent. 

This in itself was a surprise to her, and when considered with the knowledge that Lex was to be married to someone else, it set her ingrained tendency for human analysis in motion. 

Why would Lex want to marry Jessica if he truly loved Clark? Could it be just for the social status? Being involved with a young, rugged farm denizen couldn't be good for his reputation, but she knew from numerous rumors and biographical pieces that Lex Luthor wasn't one to take his reputation seriously. Or rather, he worked hard to fight the accepted social mores that were expected of him. 

Could it be that Lex didn't know how deeply Clark cared for him? This was possible, considering that Clark himself hadn't realized he'd fallen in love with Lex until recently. Still...she'd have to do a little more digging. 

"Linda, can I get you anything? Wine?" 

Linda turned around to find Jessica at the bar, looking at her expectantly. And here was another piece of the puzzle that didn't seem to fit: Jessica. "Yes, thank you. White wine, please." 

"Sure." Jessica began rooting through various bottles in the cold box below the bar. "Let's see...apparently Lex prefers red, I can't seem to find anything white. Ah, wait, here we go. White zinfandel." She held up the bottle, smiling victoriously. 

_Apparently_? "That's perfect, thanks. Jessica, when do you think you guys might get married?" 

Caught off guard, Jessica looked up in surprise. "Uh...well, like we said earlier, we haven't really discussed it." She poured a glass for Linda and handed it her. 

"I know, but you must have _some_ idea. Are we talking a matter of months, or years? I'm just trying to plan for it, is all. Make sure I'm not out of town at the time." 

"Out of town? Where would you be?" 

"I'm from New York. I go home occasionally to visit my family." 

"Oh," Jessica replied. "Well, don't worry, I'll make sure you know well in advance. I can't imagine that we'd get married within a year, anyway." 

Linda nodded and sat on a couch. "Do you guys plan to have kids?" 

Jessica almost choked on her drink. "I'm sorry?" 

"I don't mean to pry. Well, maybe I do, it's a nasty habit I have. I just wondered. I'm trying to imagine Lex as a father. And you two would be so involved in your own careers, it would be difficult to find time for a child." 

Jessica joined Linda on the couch. "I'm sure that if the time is right, we'll make the necessary changes in our lives. How about you and Clark? How serious are you two? Lex made it sound like you just started seeing each other." 

"Yes, it's only been about a week, though we've known each other about six months. He's a wonderful guy, but I don't think it's going to last. He's caught up in someone else." She sighed and relaxed back into the cushions. 

"Oh really? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject." Jessica looked like she'd rather be anywhere else, and actually looked toward the door as if hoping to see Lex walk in to rescue her. 

Linda smiled at her discomfort. "It's fine. I was aware of it from the start, and I don't expect anything more than he's willing to give. My main concern is that we remain friends when it's over." 

"Why would you date him if you know it's going nowhere?" 

"I like him. He's fun to be with, and did you notice how gorgeous he is?" She shook her head. "He'll make someone very happy someday. Besides, I'm sure you didn't intend to marry Lex when you began dating him. Nobody really knows for sure where their relationship will end up." 

Jessica got up to refill her wine, but apparently changed her mind. "Where does he keep the damn vodka?" she mumbled. 

"You don't spend much time here, do you?" Linda tried to make the question sound innocent. 

"Um...not really. We usually see each other in public, or...in Metropolis. Lex and I both have business out there occasionally." She was still searching for vodka. 

"Try the fridge. How often are you and Lex out there in Metropolis? I find it hard to believe Lex would spend that much time there without seeing Clark once in awhile." 

"Oh...I don't know if he visits Clark. We spend the weekends at Lex's penthouse about...oh, I'd say...once a month?" Jessica found the vodka and poured herself a large serving. 

Linda smirked to herself. "Oh yeah?" This was interesting. Either Lex alternated weekends between Jessica and Clark, or Jessica was lying. "And you've never seen Clark there at the penthouse?" 

"Hmm?" Jessica had taken a huge swig of the alcohol, and her cheeks were flushed. "Um...no, not that I can remember. Well, no, of course not. I just met Clark tonight for the first time. Where are those boys, anyway?" 

"You know boys and their comic books. They could be in there all night." 

The prospect of this clearly terrified Jessica. She took a deep breath and composed herself. "Linda, I don't mean to be rude, but...I'm really not comfortable discussing my relationship with Lex. I just met you, and I'm not a very open person, so could we talk about something else?" 

Linda was nothing if not tactful--when she wanted to be. "Of course. Forgive me; like I said, it's a bad habit. Clark sometimes says I should be the one studying journalism, not him. Speaking of Clark, I know he's very close to Lex, and I know he'd be extremely disappointed if Lex moved to Edge City. I'm not trying to pry, but what are the chances of that happening? I wouldn't want to see Clark hurt." 

Jessica sighed, resigned. "I don't know, but we wouldn't want to upset poor Clark, now would we? Lex probably wants to move to Metropolis as it is." 

_Bitter_ , _are we_? _Or perhaps a bit jealous_? Either way, Linda was positive that Jessica wasn't aware of the sexual relationship between Lex and Clark. "I'm sure that would please Clark. He practically goes crazy in between Lex's visits." 

Jessica narrowed her eyes at Linda. "Why did you ask me if Lex visits Clark? You seem to know more than I do about it...why are you baiting me like this, Linda?" 

Oops. "I'm not really sure, Jessica. I truly am sorry if I've offended you. I'm just trying to understand all this. Clark acted as if it was all very abrupt. But you're right, it's not my business, and I'll back off. You know, I hear the rose garden here is beautiful. Why don't we go check it out?" She smiled at Jessica in apology. 

Though still wary, Jessica agreed. _Anything to escape this torture_ , she thought. _Lex_ , _you owe me_. 

* * *

"I still can't look at these without remembering Ryan," Clark said, fingering a comic book. 

Lex nodded solemnly. "I know. I'm sure you miss him terribly sometimes. He was the closest you've had to a brother." 

"Yeah." Clark looked away from the depressing books. "Except you, I guess. That's pretty much what we are now, right?" 

"Now? Haven't we always been?" 

Clark shrugged. "For awhile, I thought we were more than brothers. Closer, I mean." 

_Here it comes_ , Lex thought. "Clark, we can never be closer than we are in spirit. That's what's most important, right?" 

"Sure." 

Lex sighed. "Clark, I'm sorry if this bothers you. You were the one who didn't want to commit, remember? So this is where we ended up, and it's the right place to be. We have to move on. Linda seems nice enough. She'll take good care of you, Clark, and I know you like her a lot." Lex paused, looking away from Clark. "Have you slept with her yet?" 

Clark was quick to anger. "No. Not that it's your business." 

_This conversation sounds familiar_. _Except last time it ended in sex_. "Maybe you should, Clark. It would probably make things easier. Trust me, women are wonderful creatures. Once you try it, you'll never go back." 

"Don't be snide, Lex. I'm not your father, I'm your friend. Please don't treat me like him." 

Lex looked up at Clark. When had he started thinking of Clark as the enemy? If he was treating him the way he treated his father, that's obviously how he was perceiving Clark. He had to turn this around. "Clark, I'm sorry. I thought you would handle this better. I thought it was what you wanted. You found a girl you really like, and I found a woman I can love. Isn't this what we agreed on, that it would only last until one or both of us found someone else?" 

Clark was close to tears, but was fighting hard to keep them from falling. "Yes." 

"Then what's the problem? This is where we belong. You know that." 

Clark swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Okay. I just...you're right. I won't bring it up again. Just promise me you won't move to Edge City. That's even farther away than Smallville." 

Lex chuckled. "I promise, Clark. You'll always have me near enough to fly to, okay?" 

Clark smirked. "That's not saying much, Lex. I flew to China the other day." 

Lex's jaw dropped. "You did? That far? And you didn't get tired?" 

Now he grinned. "Nope. I was testing myself, and I made it all the way to China. I rested there for a few hours, and then flew back. It was incredible." 

Lex just shook his head. "I'm sure it was. Someday you'll have to take me with you." 

"We'll see. As long as you promise not to crap yourself in fear. I couldn't handle the smell all that way." 

"Shut up, farm boy. I'm sure it's no worse than growing up around cattle." 

"Or owning a crap factory." 

Lex glared at Clark and mock-punched his shoulder, then pulled him close in a hug. "You're a pest, you know that? I don't know why I keep you around." 

Clark smiled into Lex's scalp. "I make you cool, Lex. Without me, you'd just be a big nerd stuck in an office all the time." 

* * *

Linda had a lot of questions for Clark, but it was impossible to have any sort of a conversation during the loud helicopter ride home. Once they'd arrived back at the dorms, she invited him to her room. 

Clark seemed hesitant. "I'm pretty tired, Linda. I should've just stayed in Smallville, but I've got too much homework this weekend. But I really appreciate you coming tonight. I couldn't have made it through the evening without you." 

"Clark, I know you're just going to go to your room and cry. Why don't you come with me and we'll talk about it instead?" 

Sometimes Clark hated her ability to see right through him. "Yeah, my roommate's probably home, anyway." 

"That's the advantage of having a private room, Clark. I never have to worry about that." 

Once inside her room, Clark laid down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. "She's pretty." 

Moving around the kitchen, Linda replied, "She's fake. But probably a damn good lawyer. Want some cocoa?" 

Clark sat up. "What do you mean, fake?" 

"Nothing. But I was wondering, Clark. How did you and Lex get involved in the first place? And don't give me that `It just happened' crap. Lex isn't the type to just let something happen. And I'll take that as a `yes' on the cocoa." 

"It's a long story, Linda. I don't want to talk about it. It doesn't matter anyway, it's over." 

"I think it _does_ matter, Clark. How did it happen? You were friends, and then you just asked him to sleep with you? What happened there?" 

"I was trying to get him laid, and he finally admitted that he was interested in me. In a sexual way. I thought he was after someone else, but he said it was me, not her. And since I wanted to lose my virginity anyway, and we were good friends, I thought maybe it would be easier with someone I trusted. Not so scary." 

"So you thought it would be easier with a _guy_? Even one you trusted?" She obviously found this difficult to believe. 

"Well...once he told me he was in love with me, it got me thinking. I realized that I'd been attracted to him for awhile, but didn't know it. Where's that cocoa?" 

But cocoa was the furthest thing from Linda's mind. She rushed over to sit on the bed next to Clark. "Wait a minute. He said he was in love with you? Did he really say that to you?" 

"Pretty much. I guess that changed." 

"How did he react when you...suggested sex with him?" 

"He didn't want to," Clark remembered. "He thought that if we had sex, it would be harder for him to just be my friend and not want more." 

"Oh, Clark, I wish you'd told me this before. What convinced him to give in to the sex?" 

Clark wondered where she was going with this. "I kind of attacked him. He told me to go home, that it wasn't going to happen, but I tackled him and sort of...forced him. Not rape or anything," Clark was quick to put in, "I just kissed him before he could stop me, and I guess he just gave in. He thought I was doing it out of pity. Dumbass." 

"And _you_ asked for this arrangement? Did he want it to continue after you came here?" 

"Not really. He agreed to it, said we'd see what happened, but...every time he came here, I had to practically ambush him into it. Why are you asking me all this, Linda? It doesn't matter. He's getting married now, and it's over. And I'll get my own cocoa, thank you very much." He got up and walked into the kitchen, leaving her sitting on the bed. 

"Oh my God, Clark. I can't believe this! This is all so tragic! I swear, they should write a book about you two. Maybe I will, once I get my degree." 

Clark rolled his eyes. "There's nothing tragic about it, except that maybe Lex is making the biggest mistake of his life. The saddest part is that he won't even give us a chance. He just assumes it would never work." 

"Of course he does! He has no idea you're in love with him, Clark!" 

"In love? Well...okay, yeah, I guess I am. But it doesn't matter, because he's going to marry her, and I'll be happy for him if it kills me. He knows I'm not thrilled with it all, but I won't ruin his chance at happiness." 

"Clark, Lex doesn't love Jessica. In fact, if my hunch is right, they're not even dating. I think it's all a sham; there's no wedding, no anything. Although she must be a pretty good friend to play along with him. Like me. Oh my God, this is hysterical! I'm definitely going to write a book about this someday." 

"Linda, what the hell are you talking about? Are you calling Lex a liar?" Clark was angry, but a tiny shimmer of hope showed in his eyes as well. 

"Yes, Clark. I watched Jessica and quizzed her while we were alone. She was very uncomfortable with any questions about their relationship. I think it's fake. And the only reason I can think of for Lex to lie about all this is because he wants you to move on. He wants you to stop sleeping with him, to stop wasting your time on him, because he thinks you deserve better. He thinks he's holding you back. How sad!" 

Clark joined her on the bed again. "You think he's lying because he wants to chase me away?" Clark immediately discounted the idea. "No way. He couldn't get away with that because there'd have to be a wedding eventually." 

Linda shook her head. "No, I don't think so. All he has to do is wait for you to get serious with a woman, then `break it off' with her. He could just say it didn't work out." 

"Linda, this is crazy. I know Lex; he wouldn't do that. If he wanted it to stop, he'd just tell me. He's not the type to play games. At least not with me." 

"Clark, do you have any idea how hard it is to say no to you about anything? You said yourself he tries to fight you every time he visits, but you always get him to give in. My guess is he knows you'd argue and want to stay with him, if for no other reason than to keep him from loneliness. He knows the only way to get through to you is to convince you he doesn't need you, that he's okay without you. That he's got someone else." 

Clark shook his head, unwilling to accept the idea. "You're wrong. He's not like that, he would just tell me. I know it. I'm tired, and I'm going to bed." 

Before Linda could say more than two words, he was gone. 

* * *

Clark laid in bed for almost an hour before giving up on sleep. His mind was wide awake and tossing out half-finished thoughts that he kept quickly stomping on. Careful not to wake his sleeping roommate, he slipped out into the cold night air. 

He knew Linda's theory was wrong. There wasn't even a question in his mind about it; Lex simply wouldn't lie to him about something so important. Not even if he _did_ want Clark out of his life. 

That wasn't really fair, either. He knew Lex wouldn't try to banish him forever. But would he trick him into thinking he didn't need Clark anymore? Why didn't he just say it? 

_But he has_ , Clark's conscience piped up. He'd said it time and time again, every time he backed away when Clark tried to kiss him, every time he said "No, Clark, this has to stop." And each time, Clark _hadn_ ' _t_ stopped; he _had_ kissed him, sometimes even cheating by using his superpowers to keep Lex in his arms until he felt Lex slump and respond. 

_God_ , _what_ ' _s wrong with me_? _Why did I force him_? 

But Clark knew the answer to that. If Clark had honestly believed Lex _didn_ ' _t_ want his affections, he would've stopped right away. Clark knew that Lex loved him, knew that Lex needed him, just as badly as he needed Lex. 

Clark just hadn't known that he _loved_ Lex, not until it was too late. 

Although, Linda didn't think it was too late. Could she possibly be right about all this? 

Trying not to let his hopes soar, Clark decided there was only one way to find out. He sped to Smallville, praying Jessica's car would be gone. 

* * *

His hopes were dashed as he picked out Jessica's car (or what he assumed was hers...it wasn't one he'd seen before) in the driveway. It was now after midnight, and Clark was sure that meant Jessica was staying the night. 

_I should_ ' _ve known_. _Why do I listen to Linda_ , _anyway_? _She_ ' _s worse than Chloe_. 

Knowing he shouldn't, he couldn't resist a quick x-ray look into the castle. His sight picked up two people in the foyer; one he knew as Lex, and assumed the other was Jessica since they were embracing. His heart dropped into his stomach. 

_God_ , _Clark_ , _just deal with it_. _He_ ' _s happy_. 

His superhearing picked up Jessica's voice. "Don't forget, Lex. You owe me. I want mountains of chocolate delivered to my office every day for the next five years. The _good_ kind." 

Lex laughed. "Come on, it couldn't have been that bad." 

"You have no idea. I thought I was going to screw up with Linda. I'm still not sure she hasn't figured it out." 

"I'm not worried about her, Jessica. It's obvious she likes Clark. Even if she _did_ guess the truth, I'm sure she'd keep it to herself. The last thing she'd want to do is give Clark reason to stay with me." 

"I'm not so sure. But anyway, let me know how it turns out. Make sure you let me know when we `break up', okay? I'd hate to bump into either of them in Metropolis and not know we're still together." 

"Of course. And thanks again, Jessica. I appreciate your help in this. It's time for Clark to move on. I'd just keep him from finding true love, if that still exists." 

"I think he's already found it, Lex. I don't know why you can't see it. The boy's infatuated with you." 

"Maybe, but infatuation isn't what I want from him. If he isn't completely in love with me, then there's no reason to keep him from finding that love. He spends too much time with me as it is." 

"And you love it. How do you think you're going to deal with him getting married someday?" 

"It's an eventuality I'm prepared for, Jessica. I've never expected otherwise. I'll be there next to him, just like I am now. I can't lose him. I can't take that risk, and someday he'll look back and thank me for this." 

Clark heard the sincere sadness in Lex's voice, and it had the opposite effect on him. His heart swelled in his chest, banging so hard against his ribcage he thought it might explode. _I_ ' _m gonna kill him_ , he thought ecstatically, _right after I kiss him senseless_. 

He heard Jessica's car drive off and watched Lex walk back toward the castle's entry. No doubt he was heading to the bar to sulk, though Lex would swear he was above sulking. 

How to go about this? 

* * *

Lex had made it through three glasses of whiskey when his butler announced a visitor. "Clark Kent, sir." 

_Shit_ , _just what I need_. He looked up with bleary, red eyes and attempted a smile. "Clark, back so soon? Come in." 

"I'm sorry to barge in, Lex, I know it's late. Am I interrupting anything?" He looked around the room. 

"No, Clark, Jessica's gone. Come on in, I was just having a nightcap." Clark looked windblown and happy, just as he always looked when first greeting Lex at the penthouse. _I_ ' _m not ready for this_ , Lex thought. "So, what's so urgent it couldn't wait until morning?" 

"Well, you know I went back to the dorms instead of home to the farm?" Clark was so excited he was about to burst. 

"Yes. Sit down before you hurt yourself." 

Clark obediently sat on the sofa while Lex took a chair opposite him. "I didn't go back to my room. I went to Linda's." 

_Oh_ , _Jesus_. _He_ ' _s going to tell me all about his first time with a woman_. Lex tried to look interested. "You did? I imagine it was a night to remember? And why are you here, you should be there with her." 

"Yes, it was quite an experience. But I'm not here to tell you about the sex. Although that was great. Lex, I'm taking your advice and moving on." He grinned. "Linda and I are getting married next week." 

For the first time in Lex's life, he was shocked into dropping a drink. Clark was there to save it before it could ruin the carpet, but Lex hardly noticed. "Clark, don't be ridiculous." 

"I know it's soon, and I knew you'd try to talk me out of it, but it won't work. I've made up my mind. I was thinking that if it's not a problem, we could have the wedding here." 

Lex's head was spinning. "Clark, have you talked to your parents about this?" 

"No need. I'm an adult; I can do what I want. I'm sure they'll be surprised, but they'll come around. I wanted you to be the first to know, and of course, I'll expect you to be the best man." 

Lex had to get a handle on this. "Clark...no. You can't do this. You hardly know her." 

"That's not true, Lex. I've known her for six months. We're compatible, and she's ready to get married, too." 

"Clark, since when are you ready for marriage? Look, it's late. I know that after you give this some thought, you'll realize it's a mistake. Why don't you stay here tonight, and we'll talk tomorrow." 

"No, Lex. I'm not tired. I need you right now, please. Just hear me out." 

Lex didn't know what to say. This just had to be a nightmare. 

"Lex, I'm going to do this." 

"Clark..." 

"You of all people should understand, Lex. When you meet the right person, there's no sense in putting it off. You showed me that with Jessica." 

"Oh, no. Don't blame me for this." 

"Blame? No, Lex, I'm _thanking_ you. If you hadn't told me about Jessica...man, I'd still be in love with you." 

That stopped Lex. "In love?" 

"Yeah. I mean, I know it started out as a fling of sorts, but I fell in love with you at some point. I think that's why I had such a hard time accepting that it was over. But now I see that you were right. I see how happy Jessica makes you, and I'd never want to ruin that. So, I'm letting you go, and I'm moving on, too." 

"Clark, if you're just doing this to get over me--" 

"No, Lex, it's not that at all. Sure, I was hurt, and it's not like I can just stop loving you all at once, but I'm sure Linda can help me with that. She's more than willing." 

"I'm sure," Lex mumbled. This was just...a nightmare. Definitely a nightmare. "Clark, what makes you think you love me? You were the one who didn't want anything serious." 

"Well, Lex, you know that saying. ` _You don_ ' _t know what you've got till it_ ' _s gone_.' I realized that I _do_ love you, that I _did_ want a commitment, that I was a fool to think otherwise. But I'm sure it's all for the best. Hey, maybe we could have a double wedding!" 

_Oh Jesus_. "Clark, this whole conversation is insane. I'm going to bed now. We'll talk about this tomorrow." He turned and moved unsteadily toward the doorway. 

"No, Lex." Clark was suddenly in front of him, blocking the doorway. "I want to finish this. Now." 

His abrupt seriousness was such a rapid change from the ecstatic schoolboy that Lex stopped. "Clark, please? I'm tired, and I...I can't deal with this right now." 

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Clark asked softly. 

Lex turned away. "Clark...don't. I need to get out of here. To get away from you right now." 

"You're not going anywhere, Lex. You're going to face this now." 

This was finally too much for Lex. He fell into the sofa and buried his face in his hands, not at all surprised when he sensed Clark kneeling in front of him. "Go away," he whispered. 

"No." Clark pulled his hands away to expose the tears in Lex's eyes. "Never." He took Lex's face in his hands tenderly and pulled Lex into a soft meeting of lips. 

"No," Lex tried to pull away. 

" _Yes_." Clark had never sounded so commanding, and Lex looked up into his eyes. "Lex, I lied. There's no wedding, no Linda. I wanted you to know...how much it hurts to be crushed like that. Can we stop lying and just love each other now?" 

"What?" 

"I know you lied about everything, about Jessica. Don't ask me how, we'll talk about that later. I know you're not engaged, that she's just a friend. Just like Linda is just a friend to me. But you...you're more than a friend. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, the most beautiful person I've ever known. I love you, Lex. I know you love me, and I want us to be together. I don't feel sorry for you or want to keep you company, I truly want this. For real, not just when we're lonely. Cause I think that together, we could never be lonely. Say it, Lex. Tell me you love me." 

Lex was having trouble seeing Clark through his tears, but knew him well enough to know he meant every word. _Only Clark could ever make me cry_. If that wasn't proof of his own love for Clark, he didn't know what was. "Of course I love you," he whispered. "But right now, I really hate you, too." 

Clark laughed at this, then pulled Lex into his arms. "That's okay. Sometimes I hate you, too. Just as long as through it all, we still love each other and remain honest with each other. Think we can do that?" Clark pulled back to look at Lex. 

Lex had no words. _God_ , _he even makes me speechless_. _The asshole_. He just shook his head and answered Clark the only way he'd ever been able to--with his lips and his body. He resigned himself to the fact that he'd never be able to resist Clark, and for the first time, Lex was okay with that. 

**_THE END_ **


End file.
